With great trepidation, I stepped out into the altered umbra light
Wild abandonment stirred in my delicate Papillon heavenquake soul
I hoped you’d be my final, yearned for… peaceful destination
But you cast a long shadow, claimed the sun... my crown of ebony and bone
Scathed forever, my wildflower-papyrus dipped heart
Paper-cut promises stung, tore open azure’s skyscape’s door
Your darkling’s apocalypse seeped into the core of my daydreamer’s silvery being
Choreographed immaculately...
day-to-day intricate, positioned strangulation; mercenary drip-fed suffocation, poisoned Ivy’s angular design
Now I'm left in desolation, dire blind desperation… utterly undone
Trying futility to reanimate my winged essence... kindle whats still hidden, stealthily nestled inside
My mind’s portal... imagination’s innate compass relentlessly spins
Its hallucinatory, intangible, ghost-like, distorted starlight’s needle...
pin-points precisely the never-ending, perpetual questioning
Repaints light fractals in dusky shades of saffron and severance...
as it ventures to unravel all the lies it's ever been told
Oh why did you come to destroy, ravage, dissect and plunder...
smash apart my kintsugi hope, that I'd awkwardly managed to tether
Why drag me cuffed and chained deeper asunder,
only to torment and torture... a soul already scared, battered and bruised
Oh, to think I confided in you... how I’d been so cruelly, brutally broken
How my soul had been abandoned, shattered, scattered…
splintered into failed epiphanies of smithereens
Damned for what I thought was my penance...
to eternity’s bottomless echo chamber
How I’d somehow managed, to miraculously clamber...
into a hammock of diaphanous temporary solace
Wistfully withdrawn, but ever-so-grateful,
for a repose from the vengeful storm
Tell me though why... was it to watch me merely scramble and struggle
or to illuminate the clandestine path back from perdition?
The one that had remained an enigma...
opaque and undisclosed;
so enigmatic to your apathetic, egotistical skewed heart
Didn't you realise, I’d have gladly led you to safety... guided you freely
Blissfully, we could have bathed in sunsets... and risen, surrendered to sunrise
Made love... two spirits, flares fused, impassioned, unencumbered;
spun from fervent sunlight’s pure radiant shards of gold
Entwined, reinforced branches... basking in milky, honied moonlight
But I guess you only wanted me stripped, bare and naked...
a soulless reflection of your lonely, empty, vacuous cavern;
your meagre depths of perception... tissue-thin paper misconceptions
To scribe in bloodless screams... dark putrid poems,
maps to etch upon the insipid canvas of my anaemic epidermis
Yet in truth, all you've managed to do... is render us both lost in pain’s labyrinth,
where not even a single drop of art or poetry was exsanguinated
As what you failed to see is we both could have soared euphorically
We needed not our feet... just a pair of playful carefree, compassionate kite souls;
two bountiful, brave, hot air balloons... full of buoyant, redolent dreams
But instead like a contorted caterpillar, in this numb, airless dwelling... here I lie!
A sepia shackled, raped butterfly... winged wraith, cocooned and caged,
dehydrated of love’s energising elixir;
trying unsuccessfully, alone, to patiently sew...
patchwork, subdued glimmers of iridescent staved sunshine
Attempting to repair my tired, bedraggled aura... that still burns in the embers of my flightless wings
So tell me, was it worth it? Is this what you dreamed of and wanted?
To watch it all burn down... with me struck stupid, bound dutifully like a moth to your flames
Delusional, in thinking we were still salvageable,
tied tightly to love’s torrid tourniquet
And if so please tell me why… for God’s sake explain... so that I, may at least die enlightened
Sure, I’m frightened but peace… oh illusive empyrean peace,
your sweet pearlescent relief... I’d welcome open-heartedly
As I tediously plough and till… long winter’s barren stone-littered field,
waiting in earnest to emerge from my copper gossamer chrysalis
To shake this earth-soaked melancholic peel... from my wanton dishevelled heart
© Debbie Razey 2023 - Violet Moon Poetry
