I don’t think I’ve told you lately
With trepidation; “I... love you”
My heart’s cowering sedately
So terrified of losing you
Buried you alive... down deeply
As you just cannot claim my air
Departmentalise discretely
Or I’d bleed out in dire despair
You see I collect your pieces
Rebuild your foundations... again
Whilst my confidence decreases
Due to what’s said when you’re... in pain
Hate and anger needs a target
I've stood fast... loyally by you
Your demons need to expurgate
Unleashed on me... as I’m in view
Collinder of word’s bullet holes
Now blood pressure I can’t contain
Heart’s Lucio Fontana’s soul
Mused... manic riddling insane
Is PTSD contagious
As if it is... I've caught it too
Sound’s dramatically outrageous
Night terrors forbid, close; love’s spoon
In your sleep I am insurgent
That the army trained you to kill
Your brain altered now divergent
Sleep perch on bed edge wooden sill
3 am on guard... watch tower humdrum
Gently rubbing away flashbacks
Screams ricochet in my eardrums
Can't sleep at night... I can't relax
So much talk... plans of suicide
Knives, medication... stored away
Could happen when I close my eyes
What to the children would I say
Therapy sessions... broke flood gates
With scaffold, I've enshrouded you
Used my own spine; each vertebra
Now I'm a putrid lonely pool
I am ally not your enemy
But you don’t recognise my face
Please I beg grant me clemency
Bite so hard my tongue; blood... taste
I’ve been slowly disappearing
Skin calloused... emotional scars
Tried hard to stop you reliving
Yet you feathered me and tarred
I've held breath for eternity
Nervous lips stained, fountain ink blue
For you, I've died incessantly
Carved on me poetry... for you
Bread crumbed poems I've left... for you
But you don't touch... see or read me
Instead, I drown in Inked seas strewn
Whilst you plot again to leave me
Have I sacrificed needlessly
Your life for mine; have I... exchanged
Poured love into you... ceaselessly
Love exhumed; turned stone... now restrained
© Debbie Razey 2022 - Violet Moon Poetry
